Veep, Veep - Vroom, Vroom!

The race for the Vice-President is on.

Oh, wait! That's right. There is not race for VP. We don't vote on the Veep because no one cares about that office, not even the poor schlep who holds that position. Why? Because the Vice-President is kind of like the Queen of England - she can't even get Springsteen tickets without talking to Oprah first.

So, why do we care?

We don't. In past elections, if we would have had more forethought to the Vice Presidential candidate, the election would have turned out differently. Case and point: Michael Dukakis would have been elected in 1988 in lieu of George H. W. Bush because Lloyd Bentson was a hell of a lot better than Dan Quayle.

This year is different. We have an African American so people are looking to his possible successor because so many idiots are afraid he won't make it to a second term without meeting and assassin's bullet; we have another candidate who personally watched Moses bring down the stone tablets from atop Mt. Sinai so the fear of him dropping dead from the shear shock of victory is also in the front of the minds of voters.So all attention is on the Veeps. Who will it be? No one knows. Wednesday, August 20th, Barack Obama is expected to announce his choice. McCain, a week later. No one knows who the un-lucky sons-of-bitches will be, but it is fun to guess.So here are my predictions:

SENATOR OBAMA:

Barack Obama is in a really tough spot right now. He is very unknown and that in hurting him. He also has a dearth of governing and military experience. He needs someone to balance that out. There have been three names mentioned more than anyone: Senator Joe Biden of Delaware. Senator Evan Bahye of Indiana and Governor Tim Kayne of Virginia.One thing is clear, Hillary Clinton is out of the running because she is already slated to speak at the DNC, two days prior to the Veep is scheduled to speak.

Who SHOULD: Governor Bill Richardson of New Mexico. This is for several reasons: One, he has governing and administrative experience serving two terms and New Mexico's governor and eight years in Bill Clinton's Cabinet. Two, he has foreign relations experience serving as ambassador to several nations. Three, he will help with the Latino vote. Four, he has a military service record. By all accounts, he is more qualified to be president that Obama himself. That will help him. Finally, he does not have the personality to overshadow Obama that say, Hillary, has.

Who WILL: Senator Joe Biden. Senator Biden has foreign policy experience serving on the Foreign Policy committee of nearly thirty years. He is smart, sharp, a great speaker - and is not too nice of a guy - which is great when you consider the Veep's job is to be more attack dog in the campaign. The only problem, is he could be too popular as far as his credentials are concerned and overshadow Obama. This won't be good. He also tends to let his mouth get away from him and it could hurt the campaign.

SENATOR McCAIN:

For all intents and purposes, McCain is in a really great lie right now. He is closing the gap between himself and Obama, he is well known, people know where his goes and his choice isn't as critical here. But he is the second to announce, so if he plays his had right, McCain could chooses someone that will help grab voters, say a woman. Someone young to balance out his years wouldn't hurt either.

But the thing he really needs to pay attention to is the Conservative vote. He is considered to be too much of a maverick by most elephants so it stands to reason he needs someone really psycho right.Though several names have been tossed around here, a surprise is actually expected.

Who SHOULD: Congresswoman JoAnn Emerson of Missouri. This is actually a perfect choice. It also plays the "unexpected" card. She is Washington having been in congress for nearly 15 years. She is relatively young, energetic and extremely conservative. She is not known on the national scene, but that doesn't matter considering Missouri is a major swing state, and however Mo goes, so goes the nation. Emerson will sure up Missouri, handing McCain the proverbial Garden of good and evil. Also, the woman vote here could be more impressive. Women could swing over to McCain, especially with Obama not picking up Hil.

Who WILL: Governor Tim Pawlenty of Minnesota. He is one of several names who have been kicked around but the smart move here is he is far more conservative than McCain, he is young, and he is the governor of a blue state which could take it out of the Dem column and move it to the Rep side come election night. McCain desperately needs one of those considering most of the flips are expected to be Rep to Dem. Red to Blue. Pawlenty is also a great speaker behind the podium, and looks far more presidential than McCain. He also has a full head of hair.

I may be wrong here - but I doubt it. And if I am, I will eat my words. We shall soon find out.