FRIDAY FUNNYBONE: 26 Sept, 2008

If It's Not The Economy, It's Stupid!

There is no denying the Obama campaign had a dismal week last week. It’s not looking any better this week as McCain’s polling numbers continue to climb. McCain has all but sewn a lock on Ohio and Florida and in polls released just this morning, Obama is now in a world of hurt in New York and Minnesota – states which have been solidly democrat in the past but now appear to be in play.

Yet with all of Obama’s problems, the right is still screaming media bias when it comes to Sarah Palin. Me, I don’t buy it. If anything, the media is helping the Palin effect seize the Obama glitter out of the campaign. The media loves Palin and it’s obvious.

How so? If those in the main stream news and my fellow bloggers really hated the Republican nominee for Vice President, they would leave her alone. They wouldn’t even mention her. In politics, even bad press is good press because it gets your name out there and people will remember your name even when they can’t remember the other guy. Three weeks ago, this country had no idea who Sarah Palin was or even how to pronounce her last name. She has had hard media attention since her introduction and now everyone in America knows who she is, even if they don’t like her. Now, I am not out conducting polls, but I am willing to bet all the money in my pockets against all the money in Cindy McCain’s pockets that in a nation wide sample conducted right now, more people would be able to tell you who Governor Sarah Palin is in regards to her role in the presidential race than they could of Joe Biden. Why? When do you hear Biden’s name? How often do you see Joe Biden on television? How often do you hear pundits and commentators and analysts and left wing bloggers and right wigned bloggers talk about Joe Biden? In comparison to Sara Palin – almost never. It’s all Palin all the time. Sounds like a new 24 hour network by Rupert Murdock.

The media is who jumped all over Troopergate. It was the media who ran with the lipstick/pig fiasco and it’s the media who are now jumping up and down over a stupid tanning bed. The media is not hurting her, they are helping her and the Charlie Gibsons and Keith Olbermanns and Lou Dobbs of the world either know this and continue with it, which I am more inclined to believe – or they are completely stupid and need to get their heads out of their asses.

The best way to hurt her is to ignore her. Nothing can kill a political career like apathy. Just ask Jimmy Carter and Bob Dole. But they – the media – won’t leaver her alone. And the more they cover her, the better it is for the McCain campain. The more she’s smeared, the worse it is for Obama.

What does the McCain camp need to do to win? At this point, do what you are doing and hope that team Obama doesn’t change tactics. You are doing what you are supposed to do, playing hard ball with a heavy bat – even if she does wear lipstick.

What does the Obama team need to do? This one is easy: Stop running against Governor Palin. You’re running against John McCain. Make this about him. Make this about his failures. About his record in the senate. Make this about him not being up to the challenge to lead. Make this about his misstatements. Make this about him saying the fundamentals of the economy are strong – make this about him making that particular statement on the very day the stock market tumbled in its hardest and fastest free fall since 9/11. Make this about McCain being out of touch.

Senator Obama, ignore Sarah Palin. And if the media doesn’t – make them. How? Give a speech similar to the one you gave on race, but make it about sexism. Make it about Palin – in a positive light. Tell the American people that you support a woman running for president. Tell them you want equal pay for women. Tell them you want reproductive rights for women. Tell them you want women playing in the NFL. Give a speech on women and how you respect them and how you feel they are the true backbones of this country and how you have more respect for single, working mothers because they have to juggle a work schedule with the hardest job in the world. Praise Governor Palin for all her personal accomplishments. Praise her for her great work she has done with her family. Tell the American people that she deserves to be where she is because she worked hard. Then instruct – order – the media to lay off of her. Once you leave that podium – never bring her up again. If someone asks you about her, turn it on John McCain and the economy.

Senator Obama, you are losing this race and you need to do something about it. You have underestimated John McCain and if you want to make this a good fight, do not let the media paint Palin as another Agnew or Quayle.

Governor Palin may be out of touch and she may not have the experience – but let Biden hit her on that.

Everyone needs to stay on message. Obama, McCain, Biden the media – and yes, even the voters.

FRIDAY FUNNYBONE; 12 September, 2008

Where Were You?

Seven Years ago today, the entire world stood still, held its breath and watch as the most devastating and dramatic terrorist attack in modern history unfolded before our very eyes.

As with the bombing of Pearl Harbor was to the Lost Generations and the Kennedy Assassination was to the Baby Boomers, X-ers and Y-ers now ask "where were you when..."

Today is a day of reflection, remembrance and prayers. I will share my story, but this is really about you and your stories and thoughts. Where were you?

Please post.

I was in Denver, Colorado attending a week-long seminar for my job and I was to head home Tuesday, September 11th. My plane was scheduled to take off at 730 in the morning, Mountain Time. I was standing in the baggage check line, groggy with my carry-on over my shoulder, my suitcase in one hand, a Starbucks in the other.

I remember on the right side of the cue was a row of television screens which showed arrivals and departures; on the left side, a row of televisions were playing The Today Show. I was making small conversation with an elderly woman in front of me - chatter about how early it was, did the sun really come up that early, we need stronger coffee. I don't recall her name.

At approximately 6:55, the man behind me uttered under his breath, something similar to "Just what I need to see before I get on a plane." He pointed to the left t.v's with images of the North Tower of the World Trade Center in NYC drenched in smoke.

No one thought terrorism. No one thought anything other than an accident, or at worst, a drunken pilot.

We stood there, watching occasionally.

Twenty Minutes after the first tower was hit, the elderly woman in front of me screamed - literally screamed - and I looked up in time to see the South Tower engulfed in flames.

I was fully awake now and all I could do - all we all could do - was stand there with our mouths agape. After a few minutes, I looked over to the right t.v.s and saw the itineraries of incoming and outgoing flights all read "delayed" as every flight in America got out of the air; no one was going anywhere.

Getting home was a chore and I will save that for another day. But as I remembered, I prayed that day, as I do today, for the lives that were lost and the families who were left behind.

Though we can may debate the outcome of what happened that day or the correct way to retaliate - or even about retaliation itself - though we may be desensitized now, we may be angry, we may be numb - though we may be more spiritual or less, more patriotic or less, more cynical or less, more afraid or less - we pause to remember those who were lost on the day America changed forever.

FRIDAY FUNNYBONE; 5 September, 2008

This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book. He's checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not.

Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did lots of good in your life but, you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in."

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Well, there was this one time when I was drivin' down the highway and I saw a Biker Gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, that's what they were doing. There were about 50 of 'em torturing this chick.Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron from my trunk and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Gang formed a circle all around me.So I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone, you slime! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"

St. Peter, extremely impressed, says, "Really? Wow, when did all this happen?"

"Er.. about two minutes ago."

*********

God says to Adam, "I have some good news and some bad news. What do you want to hear first?"

Adam says, "Tell me the good news first."

God says, "I'm going to give you a penis and a brain. You'll derive from these great pleasure and great intellect."

Adam replies, "Wonderful! But what's the bad news?"

God says, "I'm only going to give you enough blood supply to work one at a time."

*********

An old Jewish beggar was out on the street, begging with his tin cup. A man passed by and the beggar said to the man, "Sir, could you spare 3 cents for a cup of coffee?"

And the man said, "Where do get coffee for 3 cents?"

And the beggar said, "Who buys retail?"

Forget a Pitt Bull...

...we're looking at a shark.

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has been under intense scrutiny over the last week - some fair, some not-so-fair. She has had no interviews with the press and the McCain camp has done little to try and clarify her image. The media has been harder on her than the Dems have, but that's another blog.

The biggest worry has been her lack of experience on the national stage and if that dearth would hinder her in a debate with Joe Biden. Last night at the Republican National Convention in St. Paul, that worry was bagged and thrown out with the garbage.

Governor Palin not only met expectations, but surpassed them - proving she can speak almost as well as Biden can and like him, will embrace the traditional roll of the 'Pitt Bull' of the campaign.

She went after Obama left, right and sideways, attacking him on his experience, his record, and in a lot of cases, she down-right lied about his positions. But whatever was said about him got the crowd on their feet. She also touted her position as a wife and mother, and showed her toughness going after the environmentalists and oil companies in Alaska. She also talked about being a hunter. I am quite shocked she didn't tell the story about the time she killed a rabid moose with her loose-leaf notebook as a 5th grader.

Under all of it was her sarcastic mockery of Barack Obama which made it perfectly clear that not only is she up for a fight but the gloves are coming off and she's going to go for the balls and twist.

Joe Biden now has a new problem. His first problem was if he went after her in the debates the Reps would cry sexism. Now, the question is simply "can he handle himself at all?"

I think he can, but this is going to not only be an interesting fight, it's going to be a lot of fun.

Now, John McCain has a new, more immediate problem. McCain is not a great speaker. He's not even an average speaker. One might argue that 'poor' is being generous. He is not great behind a podium, but he is great one on one. Obama set the bar extremely high a week ago in Denver. He had a lot to show; however, everyone knows how great a speaker Obama is and how great a speaker McCain isn't. All McCain had to to was talk straight and he would do well.

As a Presidential candidate, you never want to be upstaged by your running mate. This was part of the reason, if not most, why Obama didn't chose Hillary. Now Palin has proven herself to be an outstanding speaker, though not quite the Obama level (but then again, who is?) and McCain has to do spectacularly well, or she, Gov. Palin, will have upstaged him. That will leave him in a very bad lie going into the final chapter of this excruciatingly long campaign.

Prediction: McCain will do better than expected, but will fall flat. He will give the people what they want to hear, but by the time he gets there, they will have stopped listening. The campaign will get a bounce out of the convention, bringing the polls back to an even number and that's not where the Republicans want or need to be. They need to be ahead - far - because they are going to lose ground in the next two months. If, however, McCain upstages Palin, all bets are off and the Dems are going to be sweating.....but don't count on it.

Coming Soon!

Coming soon is a new feature on Kill the Cat: a Video post.

Every so often I will post a video - me, at a desk, talking to you - like a cable news program. Topics will vary, much like the texts you read every day, but instead, they will be on video. Sometimes, we may even have guests discussing - arguing - talking loudly.

Again, you are always encouraged to comment.